Relations Initiated By Our Language - Bless Your Relations Partner, Fake It Till You Make It
Our existence is always in relation to something and this “something” must be expressed in the language, as without being conveyed in a language this “something” ceases to exist for us. It can be phrased this way: our life, reality and world exist only in the language.
Something which has not respective word to describe it simply does not exist. A language that has a richer vocabulary will produce a richer reality and vise versa. A word has the power of creation of happiness, on a one hand, but also the power of destruction, on the other hand. Our sages said long time ago that “life and death are determined by the tongue”. The wise men of eastern theories say: “life and death is in awareness”. And what is this consciousness if not an inner conversation (word) regarding (my) self perception.
How is this related to relations? It is related to it as you cannot explain relations without explaining the entire understanding of the perception of our existence.
During our life we “absorb” a lot of information regarding this so called concept of relations. We become aware that one day we would be involved in such romantic relations. I also met people who never thought of this idea. And yes, you guessed correctly: they do not have a relationship. Throughout our lives we knew that in order to have a relationship we need to define it and provide it a “form”. We gathered information about relationship, how it should look like in reality, what is our role in the relationship and my spouse’s role, how do I need to look like to attract my desired partner. We accumulated information and assisted by a variety of people, including our parents, our friends’ parents, neighbors, uncles, and more. Our wishes, in relation to romantic relationships as adults, crystallized both consciously and unconsciously. During adolescence, when approaching the stage of realizing the intimate relationship there is a critical stage of experiencing (good and bad). And depending on the way we interpret these experiences, everything that suits our paradigms would be approved, while those experiences which do not fit into our paradigms diminish. We often “fight” our will for a relationship without being aware at all of these paradigms “running” in the back of our mind; and hinder our will to manifest the joyous couplehood we wish for ourselves. We are completely oblivious to it.
Our perception of the concept “couplehood” is the most complex of all relations we have with anything, and any person in our world. It involves our relationships in the past, relations with our parents, environment, full of emotion and feelings, self esteem, and many other inner conversations about various subjects, including money, meaning of love and children.
I think that even Einstein could not analyze all the contexts and influence that these relations have on one intimate relationship. So people who are not aware of what goes on in their mind would not be able to break out of this entanglement.
One of the most effective ways to find or improve a relationship is by coaching; to release the words we associate, contexts and conclusions we draw about couplehood, document, observe them, and determine our most important goals for us. This would result in clarifying, from one coaching discussion to another, what happens in the brain when raising the topic of ‘couplehood’, the most private and personal place, as there is no one absolute truth. Even if you created your theory of how a romantic relationship has to look like, it may be needed to modify to have different outcomes.
When the brain works alone, without you being aware of what goes inside it, you will be surprised to discover the mess it managed to create in your life. The brain is an amazing tool in its capability to do quick associations and analyze the incoming data. We have to stop and think in words, during talking, in a conversation about our reality; understand it and only then to move forward. Do not leave your brain to work alone. Remember that you are the owner, not your brain.
Written by: Ilan Shait
http://personalgrowth4u.blogspot.com/
Tags: brain, Coaching, couplehood, existance, language, marriage, relations, relationship, thoughts
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