Posted on April 4th, 2008 by admin
It was the first time I ever saw a men’s restroom line that was longer than the line to the woman’s restroom. Which just doesn’t happen. At most events, that my wife and I attend, I end up waiting on her. This bathroom trip was different and I have a theory why.
Judging by the average age of the men in this awfully slow moving urinal line, I’d say a collective prostate-specific antigen test would produce a figure reminiscent of Bo Derek.
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Posted on April 2nd, 2008 by admin
10. If a Cat comes home at 4am, it slinks in, quietly, and lies down. When your Child comes home, there is a loud crash in the hallway followed by laughing, singing and belching. Afterwards, when it finally gets quiet, the home becomes awash with loud snoring accompanied by the Flapper Butt Band playing “Smell Me Honey All Night Long” and occasionally mixing in with the White Porcelain Buddy Band playing the hit tune “Barf Until You Feel It Down Below.”
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The Top Ten Reasons Why A Cat Is Better Than A Returning Adult Child
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Posted on March 30th, 2008 by admin
Soccer moms may have lost the political clout they would need to overthrow the next election. Dads are diluting their numbers. Moms are not the only ones on the sidelines at their kid’s soccer games anymore. Dads are finally taking a masculine stand and appeasing their wives wishes.
Dads may be throwing the national electoral out-of-whack because in their manly assertiveness they are actually attending their kids soccer games! Sure, moms still rule the bandage aisle, the school bake sales, and even the world of baby birthing, but not the soccer games.
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Basketball Moms May Throw The Next Election
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Posted on March 28th, 2008 by admin
For many years I have written comedy monologues as a hobby. Most of the material has been in my head but in the last few years I have been writing my thoughts down on paper. I have grown up watching a lot of comedy on TV such as Bob Hope, the Marx Brothers, Sonny and Cher etc. and always wanted to produce a script of my own. More recently I have been studying material from Jerry Seinfeld and Jeff Foxworthy. I have funny lines that I have learned to put together into a story. It took a lot of trial and error to get it right. My best writing occurs in the morning. I guess I am a morning person. To learn how to put your funny lines into a script you have to study material from other artists and authors.
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Posted on March 25th, 2008 by admin
Jason found himself quite annoyed at the two tractor-trailers that had boxed him in on the 205. Here he was in his little old white punch bug of a car sandwiched between the two monster rigs. He cringed every time he wondered whether they had been drinking or not or had a good nights sleep. One mistake and he would be road kill. He laughed out loud thinking it would be nice right now if this little bug really was Herbie.
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Jason And The Seven - A Story Of Odd Sorts
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Posted on March 16th, 2008 by admin
June 26th!
How inspired is to wake up with the sound of my husband’s snoring in my ears. He has amazing lungs! Even with that auspicious beginning, today is going to be one of the most remarkable days in my life. Today, at the local high school I am going to receive an award, something like a “Nobel Prize” from the city of Needmore. By the way, I am a motivational speaker who has been working with very unenthusiastic groups of professionals. It’s so hard to show them the positive side of life. What a bunch of complainers! I must say that the prize I am going to receive today is not about my professional work. I have been volunteering in the community for many years, by helping youth groups to engage in more constructive activities. My philosophy is based on the belief that positive thoughts attract the best to your life. Actually, this is going to be the theme of my speech today.
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Posted on February 15th, 2008 by admin
It was the third day of my trip from Saranac Lake to Logan, Utah and I had traveled less than 1,000 miles. I awoke in my worn out dome tent at about 5 a.m., feeling the steady wind off the shore of Lake Eerie in Port Clinton, Ohio.
In my younger days, I’d always heard horror stories about pollution on this Great Lake, but I was determined to squeeze into my six-day trip as many natural wonders as a human could absorb. I had seen the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame already, and I was on pace to encounter “middle America” in its truest forms within the hour.
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Across The Usa Part 5 - Ohio To Des Moines
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Posted on February 13th, 2008 by admin
Rebecca looked at him a bit bewildered at the new, um… person. This man Jason was redefining speed dating. It was a bit funny to her and at the same time puzzling. She was uncertain about him but she knew they needed to get out of there. They needed to get to a clear area. “And you are?”
“Bones. But I didn’t do it and I wasn’t drinking.”
“I know you told me that already. We have to get to a clear area.”
“Have no fear Ma’am! Jordan McCay at your service! I’ll protect you and get us to some place safe. You can count on it.”
This is a preview of
Jason And The Seven - A Story Of Odd Sorts (part 3)
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Posted on January 25th, 2008 by admin
I have a deep seated secret.
Wait, let’s start a bit earlier than that. This is the time of the year when little Catholic children of 7-8 years of age receive their First Holy Communion. Yep, it’s when they receive Jesus for the fist time ever, in the form of a thin wafer dipped in wine.
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Posted on January 12th, 2008 by admin
The lights are focused and gloved fingers ply inside the belly with a tong of forceps. The blood soaked sponge keeps the operating area clean and visible. Dr. Silly would be in his elements with such a gory sight. It would not curdle up his blood. It is said that appendix is the bread and butter of a surgeon. One appendix is bread and more number of appendices he removes the more butter it brings to his family. No wonder a patient who was found gripping his belly with pain, hardly able to speak, was found to carry in his pocket a note: “Doctor, please do not remove my appendix. It has been removed thrice.” But here was a strange spectacle inside Dr. Silly’s consulting room. What was Dr. Silly doing in his own consulting room, kneeling down, kowtowing, head almost touching the floor, and gaze turned upwards at the cabinet box of CPU? I admit he was at a liberty to do any thing in his own consulting room, as long as he was alone. But the human mind is inquisitive and this strange position that is not described in any of the kamsutra positions would perplex anybody. His consulting room had the same lavish ambience that you find in the Crystal Ball Room of the five star hotel of Taj International Group. Just awesome!
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